Funny Guy

Dear Sirs,

Re: your inside back page column ‘Laffs Last’. Why do you refuse to publish the humour pieces I submit? They are hilarious!! I realise that everybody’s sense of humour is ‘different’, but mine is the ‘good’ kind. I have a handy way with the pun and am well-equipped with a broad range of quips (equipped/quips – get it!?), however my true forte is literary slapstick. I think you may be aware of this, but probably don’t ‘get’ it! Give me a footpath, an ordinary human man, a banana peel and watch the magic happen.
Picture this. A guy with thick bi-focals is strolling along with his head to the sky. Maybe he is whistling a whimsical tune (for pathos!!) and wearing a humorously coloured plaid jacket (exact colours TBC) for a funny visual element. Are you with me!? Can you see where this is going!? He is walking along twirling his cane (I just added the cane because I am always thinking of improvements!!) completely oblivious to the banana peel which lies in wait yellowly (Is that a word? It is now!!). So there he is, walking, twirling and whistling and having a nice time. Then suddenly, BANG, he slips on the banana peel and falls right on his ass!!! If that is not comic ‘dyno-mite’ which is funny on many levels, then ‘excuuuuuse me’. (Note: to add extra ‘punch’ there could be a bird which poops on the man’s head.Then he rolls his eyes as if to say, ‘Why me!??’ But not in a bitter or angry way!! Bitterness and anger are never funny!)
That is just one of several hundred comic scenarios or ‘ideas’ I have conceived and typed out. Others include a matronly dowager who gets into a variety of scrapes whilst walking her dog (a Pekingese); some drunks who fall off bar stools very often in a short period of time; and a man who cannot say the word ‘Ceaucescu’ without spitting a lot. Every one is a guaranteed side-splitter!! I have also done some very good work using overweight people.

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